We’ve all seen those ‘what have you achieved these last ten years’ tweets going round and, if you’d asked me a few weeks ago, I would’ve said a lot. I’ve had jobs I loved, jobs I hated but learnt a lot from, made friends and lost friends, found a love of travel and bought a house. And the thing I was probably happiest about, fallen completely and utterly in love and found my future. I had big plans for us, our home, our family, and how our lives were going to look. Well LOL the universe was clearly laughing at me, wasn’t it?
Fast forward to now via some awful news, heartbreak and realising sometimes people say things they don’t mean and I’m starting 2020 single and struggling with that. The last eight weeks have been incredibly difficult but they’ve shown me I have some fantastic people around me, supporters I didn’t even know would be there-but they are. They’ve also taught me that despite how long you’ve been friends, some people won’t be there for you even when you’re at your lowest, and I guess that’s okay. Less hassle carrying on crap friendships right?
2020 was absolutely going to be an amazing year for me, and him. I was sorting our finances, lots of travel together, plenty of good food, good company, family time. Then I realised I don’t need him for that stuff, I can do it on my own, with my supporters whenever they want to join in. So I’m moving into my new home mid January, once all my painting is finished and my new carpets are laid. I’m getting my debt paid off and plenty of flights booked (six new countries at least) I’m making the house mine, adding my own personality into each room without having to consider anyone else’s tastes, and I’m going to push this blog forward too. I have big 2020 plans and I’m feeling (in my good moments) a hell of a lot more positive than I was when my relationship ended after my boyfriend of eight months blocked me on Facebook. Yep, harsh.
Since then I’ve been in a bit of a daze, trying to process what happened during our relationship, some of the things he put me through and the things I put myself through. I’m trying to learn from it, learn how important I should be, how I should put myself first, and what normal looks like. I think it’ll be a while before I recognise that fully. I suspect this time next year I might be there but for now, I won’t be going near any sort of relationship. I’m not ready, and that’s okay.
I plan to talk about this more fully on the blog, when I feel ready. I will share as much as I can without hurting other people, innocent people, who are involved, but today I wanted to simply acknowledge I’ve been through some horrible stuff recently. I’m dealing with it, and I’ll get through it. I know I will.