Anxiety Is…

Hello!

I’ve had a rubbish couple of weeks, anxiety wise, and whilst failing to sleep on Friday night after a really awful day (one and a half hours of crying in the toilets at work, behind a locked door because I felt slightly safer there-I’ll admit, I’ve definitely been better!) I wrote some notes on my phone. Those notes turned into more comprehensive notes on Saturday after I got a couple of hours of rest, and then I decided I wanted to put them into a post. I wanted to share with you how anxiety is, for me.

Disclaimer-this is in no way me saying this is how anxiety is for everyone. We are all different, this is just MY thoughts and feelings.

Anxiety is…

Knowing everyone is talking about you, even when they say they’re not. It’s being completely sure that they all hate you. Even the one who you hang out with in your free time or the one who messages you and appears to be a good friend.

Anxiety is…

Crying, or being shouty, when feeling attacked. It’s hiding in a locked toilet cubicle for an hour and a half because it’s too scary to go back out there and you can’t leave the building because your phone and keys are on your desk and you can’t go back out there

It’s knowing everyone is staring at you when you finally leave the bathroom. It’s spending the whole day feeling like you’re drugged, like the room is still spinning and like you could sleep for a week, after a panic attack

Anxiety is…

Someone telling you not to worry about things-because that makes it all better, doesn’t it? I just needed to remember not to worry! It’s desperately wanting someone, anyone to help you and not knowing what you want them to do to help-so how on earth are THEY supposed to know?

It’s being frozen to the spot, knowing you need to take yourself away and try to calm down and being unable to move. It’s your boss and your team leader sat in room staring at you (or you assume they are, as your eyes are glued to the piece of paper you’ve been staring at since the panic attack started, and you can’t see them) as you try not to get even more worked up, and you know they can see you are. It’s not being able to find the words to say you need to leave. It’s trying not to throw up or pass out, or run away.

Anxiety is…

Something many people just don’t understand, because they can’t SEE something wrong. It’s three things you can touch, three things you can hear, three things you can see-over and over until you run out of things and it’s no better. It’s looking at someone else and just KNOWING they feel it too.

Anxiety is…

Being convinced that every text a friend sends is them cancelling your plans, even if they never have before. It’s having a panic attack about your last panic attack, and being incredibly worried about facing the person who saw you have your last panic attack when you haven’t seen them since.

It’s a condition that makes me stronger, but right now I’m not feeling so strong.

I won’t lie, I’m very nervous about posting this. But I’ve seen bloggers share their own, very personal, mental health stories and if they can be that strong, so can I. So this is going up, please be kind.

Also guys, I just want you to know, my inbox is always open. If you need to talk, I will listen. Hit me up.

5

Laura xx

Find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Flickr and Pinterest. You can also follow me on Bloglovin. I’m on Snapchat (misslaurahaley) and Periscope (Insdelaurashead) too. Enjoyed my photography? I sell some of my work in my Etsy store.

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4 Comments

  1. November 28, 2016 / 6:40 pm

    Sorry to hear that! You should try listening to some ASMR videos on YouTube to fall asleep. At first they seem a bit silly and weird, but then you realize how helpful they are.

  2. January 25, 2017 / 11:26 pm

    I’m sorry to hear you had a rubbish few weeks, but hopefully you’re feeling a bit better now! You shouldn’t be worried about posting by the way, anxiety is real and this is the real you.

    My anxiety is more social based, although I do have my moments… I think it’s just a case of me working myself up over the smallest of things, like this evening I felt anxious because I was going to a meeting, and the lady I met was absolutely wonderful! I really had nothing to stress about at all x

    http://www.sheintheknow.co.uk

  3. Keith
    January 26, 2017 / 5:00 pm

    Anxiety rules my day. It is a constant cloud over my head.I really empathise with you. I am in my 40s and feel like a little boy sometimes . It is a constant struggle.

  4. Ged
    January 31, 2017 / 8:24 pm

    I would lose an arm to be free from Anxiety. It is so debilitating and can effect anyone. I have held very senior roles in business and when it hit I had to walk away literally on the spot despite 3 months notice. People won’t really understand it until they have it. The worst thing is working for 30 years without a break and having to get scrutinised starting with having to fill a 20 page document to claim benefit for the first time in your life,then having some 20 year old tell you that you are fit to work.. I put the phone down in disgust. Keep trying… Hope you start to have some good weeks.

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