When That Friendship Is Too Much Work

We’ve all had that horrible moment of realisation with a friendship. The moment when you know that they’re only hanging around with you because they want something. Maybe it’s because you work together and they want to have a work friend, or they’re using you because you drive them around a lot, or you babysit for them. Sometimes it’s as simple as you flatter their ego. But all of these friendships have something in common-they’re not really that arsed about you, they are in fact fake friends.

When I lost my job in July, I really found out who my true friends were. One of my supposedly close friends didn’t even bother to get in touch, and I’ve not heard from her since. One messaged for a small amount of time, but when she realised I couldn’t tell her all the gossip from my old job she cancelled on me a few times and then hasn’t responded to my suggestion to let me know when she’s free since October. Ahh well, her loss. I’m kind of glad, because chasing people when they clearly don’t want to see you, is pretty soul destroying. So I stopped, and I’m glad I stopped.

But, it’s not all bad. There’s someone I worked with, who I got on really well with. We talked a lot at work, we vented to each other and we laughed a lot. I rarely saw him outside of work-sometimes lots of us went for Friday night drinks, but I didn’t see him otherwise. We messaged via Facebook some nights but mostly it was a work only friendship, and that was cool with me. But-when the shit hit the fan, and I started having disciplinary meetings and lots of hassle, I asked him to come with me for moral support. Not only did he come with me, he argued my case. And, when I lost my job, his last words as I left were ‘don’t be a stranger’. In the last seven months I’ve met up with him for a drink and a catch up approximately once a fortnight. Friends like that, the real ones-well they absolutely make up for the dead wood, in my opinion. And I’m lucky to have a good few of those.



  1. February 26, 2018 / 1:05 pm

    I do think when something big happens in your life you do learn who your friends are. Friendships are two-sided things so you shouldn’t have to put in all the effort x

  2. February 26, 2018 / 2:06 pm

    It can be so difficult admitting that a friendship has run it’s course or that the other party didn’t have the best of intentions, but it is such a wonderful thing to realise who are actually there when needed most.

  3. February 26, 2018 / 7:28 pm

    Yep! Good friends are the ones that show up for you, not the ones who slot you into their time frame. The friends who get on my nerves are the redundant friends. The ones who don’t want to make any effort at all but still want to be in your life or have the right to call you when they want something. Erm – girl/boy bye!

  4. February 26, 2018 / 7:39 pm

    I always think a couple of good friends are better than lots of fake ones. I am sorry you had to find this out the hard way x

  5. February 27, 2018 / 2:15 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about your close friends losing touch after you lost your job. But well done for keeping your head held high and for realising that fake friends are dead wood.

  6. February 27, 2018 / 5:41 am

    Oh love I have been there and it was soul crushing realising how many fake friends I had but now I have 6 a number I am happy with.

  7. February 27, 2018 / 7:17 am

    I totally know where you are coming from; we moved 20 minutes down the road in the summer and I have been surprised at how many of my ‘friends’ just aren’t interested any more. I’m glad you found someone who could be a real friend to you!

  8. February 27, 2018 / 8:30 am

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I have friends that have been in my life for almost 20 years but only hear from them if they need a favour… It is disheartening!

  9. February 27, 2018 / 10:24 am

    I have come across a number of fair-weathered friends in my time. They only want you when they need you or it suits them and it really isn’t fair.

  10. February 27, 2018 / 10:35 am

    It’s always so sad when friendships fizzle out. The common ground you once held now gone. I found this whilst on maternity leave and realised that the friendships I thought I held were just on their terms

  11. February 27, 2018 / 8:15 pm

    Big changes always shake up friendships. I have been so close to people at work, only for them to leave and I never hear from them again. I do have two ex-work colleagues who I am very close to still after 5yrs not working together – it just shows the relationships which are meant to survive do.

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