Every once in a while, I want to write something more personal than travel on Inside Laura’s Head. The beauty of this site being totally mine is that when the fancy takes me I can do just that, and as some of you may have noticed I’ve not really posted lately, I thought I’d talk about that. Grab your drink of choice and settle in for a little Laura update.
I think it’s partly because of the time of year-it being cold and rainy outside always makes me feel a bit down, and it aggravates all my fibromyalgia symptoms which then makes me feel more down, and it can escalate quite a bit. I feel like I’m not myself, like I’ve lost my spark a little bit, and I don’t really know how to get it back. Historically, when I felt like this I’d go back onto antidepressants but honestly, I don’t think this IS depression right now. I think I’m failing to prioritise myself, to give myself permission to rest enough, to read enough, to do creative things enough, and to advocate for myself enough. I think it’s not a medication issue, it’s a think more about what I need issue.
I am already doing some of the right things. I won a SAD lamp at work and I’ve been working with that one all day. I’ve started prioritising morning and night skincare because I always feel better with nicer skin. I spent £5 on silly cherry flavoured toothpaste which gives me a bit of joy when I brush my teeth. I’m trying to wear different clothes, not just the same leggings or joggers with J’s sweatshirt, and that is making me feel a little bit better about myself. I’m also focusing on what I eat, less junk food and more healthy food, and the scales are slowly but surely moving downwards, which is making me feel good. I definitely still need to start drinking more water, and remember where I’ve put my vitamins. Extra points for actually taking them.
Perhaps most importantly, I need to give myself permission to take time to do the things I like, whether that’s writing on this blog, making something out of clay, making silly little Tiktoks for my new improving my life account or spending a full evening on the sofa reading a book. I need to give myself permission to ask J to bring me a cup of tea in bed on a Sunday morning, and read for an hour before I even get up. I need to put less pressure on myself to prioritise the housework, I need to work on this blog for the joy of it rather than because I feel I must, and I need to remember it’s okay to not be amazing at everything all of the time.
It’s very me of me to say okay so here’s a long list of things I’m going to do now, write a list, make this list long and amazing, and do barely any of it, then feel like I’ve failed. J always points out that I give myself too much and get disheartened. So, this time, I’m going to choose joy, as often as I can, and see how I get on with that. Let’s see if I can get myself out of this slump. Cross your fingers for me.
The cycles of feeling like this can be quite difficult to deal with, but it sounds like you are aware of what you can try to lift yourself up a bit. I wish you well with it all and hope things improve!