A few weeks ago I wrote a post talking about how to travel solo. It’s something I did a lot, after catching the travel bug on a trip to Amsterdam with three other bloggers but realising I am not great in a group sometimes, when I was single and had no partner to travel with. I did one trip with my Mum (to Jersey) but everything else was solo, and I liked suiting myself, eating when I fancied, eating what I fancied, hotel room picnics, takeaway when I couldn’t be bothered, leftover takeaway for breakfast and wandering down little alleyways to see what I could find.
Then I went to Bratislava, in September 2022. I’d planned Bratislava-Budapest-Ljubljana, over a 10 day period, but I’d been talking to this man I’d met online, who I’d not had time to meet up with before I flew out. He ended up flying out to meet me on that trip, so my last solo trip ended up not being a solo trip, and I quite liked it.
That date went well, obviously, because tomorrow we’re celebrating our third anniversary. I’d always said, and he’s always been in agreement, that I’d still do some solo travel, to places he didn’t fancy or if he was doing something else, and I maintain that’s an option, but so far we’ve always travelled together. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I feel about that, and thought now was as good a time as any to share those thoughts.
Travelling with other people, even when it’s the love of your life, can be HARD at times. You can wish you had your own space, you might want to go to bed earlier or stay up later or have a second coffee, and they don’t. Sometimes you need to work around them (J is freelance, so often needs to work a bit of the day most days) sometimes you’re aware they’re waiting for you so you try to rush (hello, hair wash day!)
With my fibromyalgia, travelling can be tricky for me. J is super understanding but obviously can’t feel how I feel, and I do tend to hide pain and fatigue as much as I can so I don’t ruin our trip. If I’m honest, I miss the part of solo travel where I could just scrap plans and go back to bed if I needed to, and I only let myself down. I miss watching Gilmore Girls on my tablet for a whole evening, scoffing unusual haribo from the supermarket and taking up the whole bed, and I really miss the chaos of just letting my bag explode all over the room. Obviously, I am more thoughtful now I share a room!
Days on our trips are now more structured, with proper plans being made, routes being mapped and a small number of food options being selected. It’s a far cry from the days where I’d often wing it, hope for the best, have a few things I wanted to do but decide when I fancied doing them based on my mood, not their location. I definitely wasted a lot of time retracing steps and revisiting the same neighbourhoods but I did enjoy being able to be spontaneous. Overall, I see more and I’m much more productive on trips now-I used to say oh well if I love X I’ll come back, but actually we’re here now so lets see the things.
I also eat some vegetables when I cook at our accommodation (I did not do this solo!) eat far less Lays (I still eat them, but not a massive bag a day like I used to) and sometimes I even remember to drink water. Or I’m reminded to drink water, should I say.
I do miss solo travel, and some of the positives of it. I do want to bring some of those positives back to my trips with J (and that just means I need to ask for things like time to wander aimlessly to be factored in) but honestly, I’d rather travel with J and compromise than travel solo. I never expected to be in the position of having someone I actually wanted to travel with, so that’s a nice surprise!
Solo travel is amazing and I’ll always advocate for it, but-I’m just not sure how often I’ll be doing it now. Exploring the world with J is just more fun for me, and that’s okay. Plus, he can get some lovely photos of me (including the ones in this post) and can help with trip research too. A real win.
How wonderful that you and J have a travel style that meshes well enough that you prefer to travel with him rather than alone. I am single, but have a wonderful travel buddy with whom I love to travel, but I do love my solo adventures for many of the reasons you mentioned. The biggest plus for solo travel is the lack of compromise needed, but the biggest con is missing out on some activities best enjoyed with another.
My partner isn’t really into travelling but he’ll happily follow me wherever I want to go although there are some things he’s just not into so I still get to do solo trips like walking the Camino.
When we do go away together I’m the planner so I always include things he likes but we’re happy to do different things during the day occasionally too and it’s always nice to have someone to go out to eat with as that’s the part of solo travel that I really don’t like.
I had to laugh at the comment about laying in bed with a show and all the supermarket treats. That’s exactly me on solo trips when I can’t people anymore. I still do a lot of solo travel, and really enjoy it, even though I have my partner of 12 years. He doesn’t get as much holiday time so it’s a nice balance that I still get solo trips as travel is important to me but enjoy trips with him too. Finding someone you travel well with isn’t always easy – I’ve definitely had some bad experiences. But glad you’ve found a way to make it work with compromises and mutual respect for what you want to get out of a trip.
Ah, so that’s the guy you told me about in Vienna. I am pleased this connection has worked out for you and you are now happily exploring the world together. Reading your reflections on how solo travel has changed for you over the past three years gave me a lot to think about. It’s clear that life circumstances and personal growth have shaped how you approach travel now, and I appreciate how openly you share the frustrations and challenges you’ve faced along the way. But you also have some nice perks, such as a partner who provides security, companionship and also takes your pictures. That is something for sure! When I was younger, I yearned for a supportive partner to travel with me, but now I don’t think I could. I’ve grown so used to planning my days exactly how I want them to go, and I doubt I’ll want to give this up in future.
Carolin | Solo Travel Story